so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
