ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
foreskin is a definite game changer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
