"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
