He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
