Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
