garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
