i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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