she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
