I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
