Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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