I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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