sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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