and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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