Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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