The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
