just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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