Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize