And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
