i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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