totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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