I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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