Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
