I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
