the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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