In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
