I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
should my penis look like a turkey
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
