there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
