Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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