My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
