So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My dick has a subreddit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
