i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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