Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
