nutella sex= disaster
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
