Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
