ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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