Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
