dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
