a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize