tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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