Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
