Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
