i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
