but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
