rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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