The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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