we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
