you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
