But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
