first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
