after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
