1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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