u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
