The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
