Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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