I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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