put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
