Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
