what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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