Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
