You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
