do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
