If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
