You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
