the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
